


When Everything's Not Perfect, We Find Ourselves Again

by whatwasthatharry



Series: Seblaine Week 2013 [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: College, Comfort/Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-03
Updated: 2013-06-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 08:23:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1029474
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatwasthatharry/pseuds/whatwasthatharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sebastian and Blaine learn that college and living together doesn’t make life perfect. But a little letter and love can help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When Everything's Not Perfect, We Find Ourselves Again

**Author's Note:**

> Seblaine Week, Day 1: College

College.

The real world.

A place to find yourself and to find others and learn who you are.

Sebastian Smythe and Blaine Anderson had decided to discover the wonders of that world together.

And after two years, Blaine at NYU and Sebastian at Columbia University, their relationship had reached its breaking point.

College had proven to be more difficult then they’d ever expected. It wasn’t like high school when Blaine had transferred back to Dalton for their senior year and they had been able to spend every waking moment together. Because even though they lived together and saw each other every day, Sebastian and Blaine had never been further apart then there were at that moment in the middle of their sophomore year.

* * *

“I’m  _sorry,_ Blaine! But I can’t just not go to this meeting!” Sebastian said, pacing around their bedroom, trying to find the right outfit to wear.

“It’s just study group, Bas! I don’t…I don’t see the problem!” Blaine yelled back from where he was sitting cross-legged on the bed, eyes watching Sebastian, narrowing further with every comment.

“It’s not  _just_ study group, Blaine!” Sebastian yelled from inside the closet, and Blaine could practically feel the eye roll Sebastian was giving him, automatically crossing his arms in response. “One of the most respected lawyers is coming to speak at this tonight. Everyone’s going!”

Blaine sighed, falling back on the bed in frustration. “And you couldn’t tell me this yesterday when I told you I made dinner reservations for our anniversary?”

“It slipped my mind last night. You told me while we were naked, like I’m really expected to think then,” Sebastian laughed softly, walking out of the closet with a smirk on his face as he looked at Blaine on the bed.

“Do you even  _care_ that you’re missing our anniversary for some stupid, fucking study group?” Blaine spat, rubbing his hands over his eyes. He felt hurt and broken and he wanted to  _fix_ things but god, he and Sebastian had been fighting like this for weeks now, and he didn’t know how to make it better. And there was a part of him, a very small part that he tried to squash out on most days, that was trying to tell him there was no way to make things better.

“I get that this is important or whatever,” Blaine began, staring up at the ceiling, trying to keep the coldness out of his voice. “But is it more important than  _us?”_

“Don’t do that,” Sebastian said, and Blaine could hear the anger in his voice, could feel the way the air had turned colder and he could imagine the way the smirk would’ve fallen off of Sebastian’s face and instead formed a deep frown. “Don’t make it seem like I don’t care. You know I do. Or are you forgetting how I surprised you last year for our anniversary? Why is it so impossible to celebrate another day?”

“Because!” Blaine yelled, sitting up and staring at Sebastian. “Because this is the fifth time in three weeks you’ve cancelled plans! And it hurts and I’m so  _fucking sick of it!”_

“Well, fucking deal!” Sebastian yelled back, Blaine noting the way the vein in his forehead was sticking out as his anger took over. “I’m out there trying to study law and make a fucking career unlike you with your stupid literature major!”

Blaine gasped, hurt traveling down his spine in a cold chill and he stared at Sebastian, eyes wide and struck speechless. Blaine could see the way Sebastian’s eyes turned sadder, the anger dulling. He noticed the way Sebastian mouth floundered, as though he was trying to say something,  _anything,_ but couldn’t.

So he didn’t.

And a minute later, Blaine was left alone on the bed, crying softly into the pillow as he wished for Sebastian be there to hold him.

College officially sucked.

* * *

Blaine wrote the letter after a week of silence in the apartment. A week of longing for his boyfriend, for the feeling of safety, for the feeling of being inexplicably in love.

_Sebastian…._

_You might think that my literature major is stupid or less important than your focus in law, but there’s something I want to tell you. And I’m going to use what I’ve learned in college so far to say it…_

_I saw a vision in my head. The song starts playing and I think about that place from that night so long ago. But it’s not the same place at all. The physical location is the same as it is the same every year. But it’s not with anyone else. It’s with you. The dark of the room is only broken by the winking lights hovering over the crowd, residual of the dance music that was playing just moments before. I think about the suit I’m wearing, dark black, and the way the tan color of my skin is reflected from the spiraling lights over us. The song is blanketing the crowd as everyone drops to pairs and circles the dance floor at Dalton, unanimously all thinking the same thing. “Let’s waste time chasing cars,” In a few short weeks we would be leaving this school to go onto bigger, better things and from here, we would become people and things that we never imagined before. We were setting off into the unknown really. The arbitrary, contrived idea of the “real world” was starting and we had no control. We all smiled and wished to be free of this place and the stifling familiarity it brought, but secretly, behind the smiles, there was hesitation and apprehensive hearts. But in that moment, right there, there, there…. the fears, the future, the “thereafter” didn’t exist. With that moment, it is only you and me and the music._ __  
  
I feel your arms around mine, the pressure was reassuring. It meant that we were still here, you were still here. Every dance that I have ever had in this room with the changing formals and themes that it had was always the same. The slow dances never truly meant anything. There were no movie moments and that sticky feeling of loss and hopeless love that you’re supposed to feel in movies. I was just swaying to the music feeling like I should be feeling those feelings. But with you, as I breathe in your barely there scent, I desperately never wanted it to end. But even as much as I wanted time to stop, I wanted that moment to dissolve so that I could see where it was going. With you, I wanted to see the future. As much as this moment was beautiful, I was anxious for the future with you because I knew there would be a future. Don’t ask me how I know…sometimes, hearts lock and certain things just come together.  
  
I can always see five steps, fifteen steps down the relationship and I know how and when the relationship is going to end. But with you, all I see is white. There are no thoughts in my head because every time you look at me with your green eyes soft and understanding, all I see is the future. All I see is hope.

_I remember that night with you, Bas. Prom together at Dalton; dancing the night away and ignoring everyone around us. We were wrapped around each other with every part of us, and I felt like I was a part of you._

_I miss that, Bas. I miss the us that we used to be. I hate this ‘you and me’ and the separation that has come between us. I miss seeing you at dinner every night, and I miss cuddling with you before we fall asleep._

_I miss going on dates with you._

_I love you, baby._

_Please tell me you still love me too._

_Blaine_

* * *

Sebastian found the note the morning after Blaine left it. He was alone in the apartment, one of the rare days when his early class was cancelled. Blaine was already gone, and Sebastian found his heart breaking with each word he read, tears falling steadily and staining the page.

He held the letter close to his heart after he’d read it at least ten times.

He felt closer to Blaine then he had in months and it made him smile.

And then he realized he felt closer to Blaine through a letter then he had been feeling in person.

And the tears only fell faster after that thought.

* * *

“I love you.”

Those were the first words Blaine heard when he entered the apartment. He was confused at first, looking down at his watch. Sebastian should be at Columbia, in the middle of one of his classes. But as Blaine glanced up, he knew Sebastian had skipped them all as he took in the distraught boy in front of him. And he  _was_ a boy, then. Not a man. But a boy. A boy who was just as lost as Blaine was sometimes.

“I love you, too,” Blaine whispered back, moving into Sebastian’s arms and holding him close. “Even if you think my major is dumb.”

“I don’t,” Sebastian whispered adamantly into Blaine’s ear as he hugged him tight, burying his face in his neck. “I don’t.”

Blaine nodded softly, hiding his face in Sebastian’s chest as gentle tears fell from his eyes.

“College is stupid,” he murmured, a choked laugh coming out.

Sebastian nodded, kissing Blaine’s neck before pulling back to rest their foreheads together, staring deep into Blaine’s eyes.

“It is,” he murmured. “But we’re learning. College is only temporary. We’re forever.”

Blaine chuckled softly, some of the light finally returning to Blaine’s eyes. “That was so cheesy,” he teased.

“Well,” Sebastian hummed, kissing Blaine softly, “We can’t all be the next Sylvia Plath, can we?”

Blaine snorted. “She wrote some of the most depressing stuff I’ve ever read. And then killed herself.”

Sebastian sighed, rolling his eyes. “Whatever. You stick to literature, I’ll stick to law.”

Blaine hummed happily, hugging Sebastian tighter, a gentle smile spreading over his face.

“And no more cancelled plans?” he asked softly.


End file.
